CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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The Guy Who Got Into A Whole Lotta Money

Friday, March 18, 2011

this entry brought to you by trent reznor and atticus ross, "hand covers bruise"


My wife works at a grocery store, and walked over one day to pick her up for the end of her shift. As I walked through the parking lot a brand new convertible Porsche, top down, came speeding up to a parking spot right in front of the store; I don't know much about cars and don't care much about cars, but when you see a brand new Porsche, it gets your attention. A guy with shoulder length hair, sunglasses, an open leather jacket, jumped out of the car, like in the movies.

Okay, that was weird, I said to myself, and walked into the store. My wife still had a little more to do before she could clock out, so I headed to the magazine section and started flipping through one about video games.

And as I'm flipping through it he comes and strolls up next to me, grabs a car magazine. I got a good look at him. His hair was shoulder length but freshly styled and cut, freshly highlighted. His leather jacket still stunk like fresh leather, and it was opened all the way down, and his torso was hairless, glowing, obviously also freshly waxed.

"Hey man," he said. "Do you know any good magazines for import cars?"

"Nah," I said. "I'm not really into cars at all."

He kind of half sighed and half shrugged and said "I just got into a whole lotta money and I'm trying to figure out what to do with it."

And I thought, not only did you just get into a whole lot of money, you just got into a whole lot of money five hours ago. And I thought, if I were the kind of person who, all of the sudden, got into a shit load of money, and I was the kind of person who cared about fancy cars and looking like a Hollywood douchebag, which would I get first? The car? The leather jacket? The chest waxed?

I imagine it had to have come chronologically. He probably got the car first, and the dealer said "You know, for only 50,000 more, I can get you the convertible," and he thought, well shit, I've got a whole lotta money, it doesn't make sense to not get the convertible. Then he was driving around Chandler Arizona in a top-down Porsche convertible wearing a t-shirt that said Budweiser or whatever, and thought, no, this simply will not do. And that's when he went into the clothing store and bought the most expensive thing they had, which was the stinky new leather jacket. But just wearing a badass new leather jacket over a t-shirt looked dumb, and as he tried on different shirts realized gah, chest hair is for poor people, and got that shit waxed. The hair was probably done at the same time, and the sunglasses, well, the sunglasses were in the store right next to the chest waxing store. You know, down in the Asshole District.
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with love from CRS @ 7:51 PM 

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