CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Lamaze Classes Are a Scam

Friday, January 07, 2011

this entry brought to you by sharon van etten, "peace signs"


Having gone through two different births with my wife and not having once been through a Lamaze class, I can safely say that they are a scam.

Now, I understand that really what they're doing is preparing a woman for the eventful day, but it's also sort of like having a class for preparing for getting hit by a car, only with new age music. No matter how prepared for it you are, it's not going to be like that. Even if it is calm and soothing, and even if you can sync up your playlist to the exact pacing of the birth, at the very minimum there's way, way more blood.

But ultimately, the reason Lamaze classes are a scam is that, one way or another, the baby will come out. Animals have been doing it for a bazillion years, one way or another, you will find a way to get the baby out.

Think about it. Whenever you see a friend for the first time in three years, and the last time you saw him his wife was pregnant, the following conversation never happened.

"So! How's your kid? What's he, like three years old now? Two and a half?"

"Nah man, our baby is only six months old. She was pregnant for thirty months; we were getting a little worried there so we went and had a Lamaze class-- that kid fell straight the hell out of her. God, do we feel stupid. We could've saved ourselves years of a laborious, uncomfortable, freakishly hormonal pregnancy if we'd just had a Lamaze class the whole time."
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with love from CRS @ 11:35 AM 

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