CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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A LOCAL MAN IS KILLED BY HIS FREAKISHLY STRONG ADOPTED TODDLER

Friday, March 27, 2009

this entry brought to you by portishead, "the rip"



The last photo taken of Rubble before his life was mercilessly cut short.


BEDROCK- Local man Bernard Rubble has been killed today in what witnesses describe as a playful wrestle with his son gone horribly wrong.

"It was awful," says a neighbor. "Barney went to his son for a fun tussle, and his son, just three years old, grabbed his hand and, screaming 'Bam! Bam-Bam!', flung his father around with what can only be described as murderous intent."

Rubble let out his signature laugh, say witnesses, "Eh-hee-hee-hee!" as if to say, I'm having fun, but please slow down, but the boy wouldn't stop. When it was all done, Barney's body lay limp and bloodied. "He had been pulverized so much you couldn't even see it was Barney any more!" says the neighbor. "It was sickening, like something out of a horror movie, or as if he'd been stomped on by a Brontosaurus Parade."

Rubble, aged 38, was described by friends as "kind, very agreeable, and loved to laugh-- the perfect sidekick type." He and his wife Elizabeth had found the mentally challenged toddler as an orphan. The boy, despite months of coaching from his loving parents, hadn't learned any words other than the onomatopoeic "Bam", which he would often repeat devilishly, as if to mock his father.

"We found this boy with horrible, freakish strength wearing nothing but a diaper and a piece of animal fur," said his grieving widow Elizabeth Rubble, "with no place to go, no parents, no record of having been born. And Barney-- god bless his soul-- couldn't stand to see him slip through the foster care system, and took him in right away, going speedily through the adoption process. He didn't even care about how challenging it would be raising a learning disabled child with terrifying strength. He just knew it was the right thing to do."

The right thing, however, turned out to be a very dangerous thing. The child, whose name was not given out by police, would often go into terrifying antisocial mood swings and would assault his adoptive father with little provocation, going into a violent rage, screaming "Bam-Bam!" and tossing the only man who had ever loved him around "like a sack of potatoes", leaving Bernard with many injuries, more than would kill an ordinary man.

"That boy was a terror," says a source, who wishes to remain anonymous. "He used to play with my daughter, and it used to terrify me. I would plead with my husband, I would say, Fred, for the love of God, don't let that horrible little retard around my daughter. And my husband would tell me that it was okay, he would never hurt Pebbles-- and thank god he never did. But every day my stomach would be twisting into knots, knowing the day might come where he'd fling my daughter across a football field or something. I would hear 'Bam! Bam! Bam-Bam!' in my nightmares. All I could do to keep my mind off of the monster that lived next door was to absorb myself in 'General Rockspital' and 'All My Sheetrock'."

Still, witnesses swear he only took his horrible, violent aggression out on his father, and never seemed to want to hurt anyone else. Rockspital records show Bernard Rubble had taken a total of twenty three trips to the emergency room since the Rubbles adopted the orphan. It was only a matter of time, say friends, until things turned grim.

"I know I shouldn't say this," said the widow Rubble. "Many adoptive parents will say that, no matter what happens, it's always worth it. But I can't bring myself to feel that way. I wish we'd never let that monster into our house, he was a danger from the very beginning. I miss my Barney so, so very much."

The boy, now heavily sedated in a pediatric rockspital while the courts decide what will happen to him next, has killed two police officers and one rockspital administrator, as well as having caused three million dollars worth of damage to the city since being taken into custody. This, readers might note, is ordinary for a dinosaur stampede, but highly unusual for a toddler.
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with love from CRS @ 7:02 AM 

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