CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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VILE SUPERVILLAIN FEARED THE WORLD OVER RETIRES PEACEFULLY

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

this entry brought to you by rage against the machine, "sleep now in the fire"





WASHINGTON-- Despite having made a dire warning four years ago at his crushing victory over bitter rival John Kerry that "Any man who dares remove me from my rightful place on the throne will be the first to die in a horrific bloodbath the likes of which have never been seen before," and that he can only be replaced "once I have died and you have removed my heavily booby-trapped body from my also heavily booby-trapped office," the forty-third President of the United States, George W. Bush, aka The Bushwhacker, aka Baron Von Disaster, retired yesterday without incident.

A press secretary for messianic President Barack Obama, Bush's democratically elected successor and assumed savior of humanity, said the Obama administration was shocked at the lack of bloodshed during the change over. "[Bush] had said that he had changed his mind and was going to leave willingly, but no one believed him. President Obama was thoroughly relieved that none of the 2,000 troops that were standing by, nor the Fantastic Four, who were aiding the Secret Service, had to be used for President Bush's removal of office."

Bush had given a final address to the world this past January 15th, promising a smooth, bloodless transition, but it was assumed by most people throughout the world to be another clever ruse by the evil overlord, similar to the incident in 2002 when he claimed Iraq had procured uranium cakes with the intent on using them for weapons of mass destruction.

"I believe that I've done everything I wanted to do, killed way more people than I'd originally planned, destroyed as many nations as I'd wanted, and crushed all those that opposed me," said Bush to the world last week. "Plus I think I've done a damned good job making sure all my nefarious actions and evil-doing can't be undone by The Obama, who I cannot look directly in the face, for it makes my retinas burn. It's been a pretty good run, and despite their best efforts, Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, The Avengers, and various superheroes from the DC Universe who came here through a series of vortexes between dimensions have all failed to stop me."

"Sometimes I ask myself, Big Dub, why not do more?" the villain known as The Bushwhacker continued. "Why not kill more? Why not destroy more nations, lower the morale, the spirit of more people? But then I realize, I'm not a young man any more, and I'd like to spend my twilight years peacefully on my ranch in Crawford, TX, capturing drunken men at local bars, and setting them loose on my many acres of land, hunting them, using nothing but my wits and my trusty rifle. I'm getting up there in age, and soon I will pass on, my soul escaping this dirt pile you humans call Earth and into the clutches of my lord and master Muju, our heinous contract having been completed. Do I really want to spend my final years crushing the powerless masses with my iron fist while simultaneously outsmarting the Earth's Mightiest Superheroes? The answer is yes, but I would rather spend them abusing houseboys, creating abominations of science in my secret laboratories, and hunting for sport the most dangerous prey of all-- man."

The Nefarious Bushwhacker concluded his speech by saying, "Good bye to all y'all, it's been real. Also, don't be mad at me, be mad at my big jerk of a dad who never thought I lived up to his name enough and always preferred my big brother over me, because it's all his fault. END COMMUNICATION."
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with love from CRS @ 6:04 AM 

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