CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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THIRD BATMAN TO BE DIRECTED BY FLAMBOYANT GAY MAN

Friday, December 19, 2008

this entry brought to you by andrew bird, "skin, is my"


HOLLYWOOD-- Executives at Warner Bros. announced today in Variety magazine that the sequel to the megapopular entry in the Batman franchise, The Dark Knight, which went on to be the second highest grossing film of all time this summer behind only Titanic, will be directed by a flamboyant gay man known mostly for directing campy 80's films.

Producer Benjamin Melinker said while they were extremely happy with previous director Christopher Nolan's work with Batman Begins and this past summer's The Dark Knight, both which have proven to be very commercially and critically successful, "We have decided we'd rather taken a lighter, less serious, more gay tone in the third film. We are proud to announce Jerry Rosenzweig as the new director of the third Batman film. We are confident his flamboyance and gay charisma will reap excellence for the Batman franchise."

Rosenzweig had a string of moderate hits in the 80s that have gone on to be cult camp classics, including Night Boys, a movie about vampires that takes place mostly in a campy amusement park, features an extended segment of a band of semi naked muscle men performing on stage for little apparent reason, and many unmotivated shots of Rob Lowe's lower torso.

Also announced was the casting for the role of Batman, which will not be reprised by the much-liked Christian Bale. "We know that Bale had received quite a following for his portrayal of Batman," said Melinker, "but we're sure that fans will take to the new face of Batman: Freddie Prinze Jr. He might not be the man that is the first choice on many fans' list, but he has gotten older and more mature from his days in 90's films such as Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, as well as several shitty, forgettable teen targeted rom-coms, and is now perfect for the role. He fits very well to the tone of the new film. Also, the Batsuit will be change from black to a very charismatic dark purple with an enhanced codpiece and pronounced buttcheeks, and he looks fantastic in it."

Although no other casting decisions were officially announced at this time and no villains were revealed, after the issue of Variety hit newsstands, an anonymous insider gave a scoop to reporters: the villain will be Seth Rogan as The Riddler, and our source describes him as "exactly like Heath Ledger's Joker, except more flamboyant and campy. Because basically that's what The Riddler is, The Joker, only with a puzzle fetish and way gayer. Mr. Rosenzweig was really interested in playing up this facet of the character, and thought he fit in perfectly with his bigger, sillier, more gaudy vision." Other villains that will share screen time with Riddler will be Calendar Man and the return of Halle Berry as Catwoman.

Also in the planning is an expectant tie-in soundtrack that will be sure to dominate the radio waves, rumored to feature Fall Out Boy, The Jonas Brothers, rapper Lil' Wayne, several modern rock bands that sound exactly alike, and an original Beyonce' song.

The announcement of Batman's new, campier direction comes shortly on the heels of the announcement of another beloved franchise getting a sequel, when 20th Century Fox revealed last week that they will be releasing a third Alien Vs Predator movie, tentatively titled AVP3: We Hate Our Fans So Fucking Much.
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with love from CRS @ 5:09 AM 

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