CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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GOD PROVEN TO NOT EXIST, RELIGION RECHRISTENS ITSELF "WORLD RELIGIOUS ENTERTAINMENT"

Friday, November 21, 2008

this entry brought to you by massive attack, "risingson"


The first results of the Large Hadron Collider's tests were published this past Monday, though it had been revealed the machine itself did not work the way it was intended. "All we did was turn it on, and we found that some parts were flawed and that we had to repair it. But we studied the results of the protons that were effected by this initial powering up, and they were stunning," said Dr. John Fossel in front of a conference filled with many of the world's most notable scientists and the press. The Large Hadron Collider is the world's largest and highest-energy particle accelerator, intended to collide opposing beams of protons or lead ions, each moving at about 99.9999991% of the speed of light. The results of the experiment were intended to fill in gaps in Quantum Theory and bring to light aspects of "dark matter", among many other things.

Instead, the first powering up of the machine lead to a startling conclusion: There is no God. "It's pretty conclusive," said Dr. Fossel. It's been said that God is in the details. When we looked at the data details we got simply from turning the thing on, and it turns out that saying is not true."

Since this Monday, speculators have been furiously guessing as to how, exactly, religion would respond to this. In a press conference today, the religious leaders of the world gathered to reveal their startling and more in-your-face response to this paradigm shattering revelation. From this point forward, religion will be known as World Religious Entertainment, or the WRE for short.

Although there has been some skepticism about the move, the majority of critics were relieved and overjoyed with the announcement. Television critic Peter Frankston had this to say: "For the past decade or so, the argument over whether religion was fake or not has been pretty much null. Only the most die hard fan entertained any notions that it was the slightest bit real-- the rest of us kind of clung on out of sheer boredom from nothing else being on that was better or out of half-hearted loyalty to it. You know, you grow up with religion as a little kid, watching it on TV, seeing all your favorite stars, and it's difficult to not be at least a little curious to keep up with it even as you grow out of it. But we all knew it was fake. Now that religion is embracing this, though, the sky is the limit as to how exciting it can be, now that it's untethered by any sort of lingering hope of its authenticity."

And embrace it they will. World Religious Entertainment CEO Patrick McMahawk revealed today, along with the name change, the plot direction the WRE would be taking over the next few months. "Right out of the box we're going to hit hard with a totally exciting storyline. Firstly, we're going to introduce an evil scientist named Dr. Chaos. He's a horrible, lying, deceitful villain, and what he wants is nothing less than the utter destruction of the faithful with his science and 'facts' that are so chaotic and incomprehensible he astounds you into thinking there might be truth to what he says. So what he's done is the ultimate affront to God's will: he's reanimated Jesus' corpse, and he's using Jesus for evil, instead of for righteous reasons. The Pope has got to stop him, but he's far too old to get in the ring, so he's made an uneasy alliance with Buddha and Muhammad to tag team against Dr. Chaos' team of Jesus' Reanimated Corpse, and Homo Habilis, a frightening monstrosity of Pain's own creation that he claims proves his misleading theories of Evolution. The Team of Faith have got to stop Pain's evil plot, and restore Jesus' body back to the Holy Spirit, so he can fight for forces of good. Will they be able to do it? You might think you know the answer, but wait until we reveal the wildcard: Mother Nature! Whose side is she on? Is she a weapon of the Lord, used to wipe out sinners? Or is she a natural force that can be studied, predicted, and manipulated, as Dr. Chaos claims? You're only going to find the answer by watching the WRE every week!"

There has been a very vocal minority crying foul with religion's change to the WRE, claiming that it's a cynical and overly commercial bid for people's attention, when it was once humble, simpler. They are also worried that their centuries of loyalty will be completely ignored in favor of the more glitzy and glamorous new direction. McMahawk claims to not be worried at all by these complaints, saying that "PAX Pay-Per-View pre-orders for Sunday's Main Event have been astronomically larger than our initial expectations. $65.95 might sound like a lot of money for something we admit is just entertainment, but who wouldn't want to see the future of the human race played out in front of them, right on their TV sets, every Sunday? It's the WRE, baby! And It's Gonna Make You Pray!"
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with love from CRS @ 5:44 AM 

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