CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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A Complaint About a Certain Kind of Lesbian and a Certain Kind of Dildo

Thursday, September 25, 2008

this entry brought to you by saul williams, "tr(n)igger"


The complaint I'm making here isn't about all lesbians, just a certain type of lesbian. I know a girl, she's gay, and I don't remember exactly why we were talking about this, but she was telling me about this dildo she has. It's flesh-toned, and it's made out of some special material that feels like flesh, too. The balls are free-hanging so they slap when you fuck, and there's a tube inside attached to a sack inside the balls that you fill up with lotion that the dildo warms up, and when you press a certain trigger on it, it spews.

I looked at her and I said, if you were going to go through that much trouble to simulate a cock, why not, you know, just get an actual cock?

She laughed very smugly and said that with equipment like this, she doesn't need an actual cock.

Now, I know a lot of guys who are rather threatened by lesbians. They think, if women have figured out that they don't need men to please one another, what good are the rest of us? I think this is silly reasoning.

Why don't I just run out and get one of those mechanical pussies you see advertised in banner ads on porn sites? In fact, they make them from plastic molds actually taken from the real-life cooters of real-life porn stars, so not only can I just get a mechanical cha-cha, pulsating, oozing fluids, but I can get a whole assortment of them. I could have Jenna Jameson's pussy on top of me tonight! Really, I don't like Jenna Jameson all that much, but I could just buy it and pretend it's Scarlett Johansson! Who gives a shit whose name is on the box?

In fact, why not just take it a step further? Why not just buy a Real Doll? They look like women, feel like women, have a motor inside so they're warm like women, and they even make them in any size and shape I could possibly want-- I can even have whatever physical deformity, if I wanted that sort of thing. The starting cost is a couple thousand dollars but they're guaranteed for life-- a couple thousand dollars up front for a lifetime of the perfect fuckbuddy is surely a small price to pay. I could just go out and do that if I wanted. Why the hell not?

Oh wait, I know why I don't do that. Because it would make me a fucking weirdo. I think it's funny, though, that when girls do this, it's liberating.

Again, I know there are more lesbians out there that don't have the cock-and-balls package that spews at the touch of a button. But the ones that do, you ladies are fucking weird.
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with love from CRS @ 10:29 AM 

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