Alternate Punch Lines for the Nimbus 2000 Entry

this entry brought to you by modest mouse, "march into the sea"


I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'd love to be a stand-up comedian, and how a lot of my entries work great as stand up routines. The Nimbus 2000 entry popped in my head, and how it would work great as a routine, with a little bit of retooling. If you've read the entry, just go ahead and skip to the third paragraph down for the newly added punch line.


I used to work in the toy department at a store, and the cool part of working in a toy department for any length of time is you get to see the toys they release to stores right before they get recalled. Did you ever see Harry Potter? If you don't know anything about Harry Potter, all the children wizards have broomsticks they fly around on, and Harry Potter's special broomstick was the Nimbus 2000. The toy version was about two and a half feet long and when you pressed a button, it would vibrate quite madly. This was, I guess, the closest approximation of flying the toy makers could come up with. We didn't have enough room on the shelves, so we had them up top, so if any kid wanted to see it, I had to come over and get one down for them.

Little girls would ask to look at it and moms would come up to me and ask me to take one down. I'd hand it to the little girl, and she'd put it between her legs-- keep in mind that this is a wizard's broom, and this is what you do with wizard's broom, you put them between your legs so you can fly off-- and it wouldn't take long for her to notice the button, which she would press, and then BRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM. The girl would sit there on top of this wildly vibrating broom for a moment, as mom looked on in a mix of horror and embarrasment, and when the girl was done she'd hand it to her mom and with much seriousness on her face, as if something inside was calling out that she needed the toy very badly, only she wasn't sure why, and she would say, "I want this."

Little boys would put it between their legs, press the button, BRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM, then hand it back to their moms and say "I'd heard that the prostate was the male G-spot, but I always thought that was bullshit."


ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE:

Boys would put it between their legs, press the button, BRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM, then hand it back to their moms and say "I don't want it. It reminds me too much of Father O'Connelly."

Get it? Cuz priests have a habit of raping kids!
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