CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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SQUATTER SNOB ONLY STEALS FINEST QUALITY ELECTRICITY

Thursday, May 15, 2008

this entry brought to you by nine inch nails, "1,000,000"



the squatter, enjoying the warm glow of a light bulb lit by the finest stolen electricity available.


Listen, just because the clothes I'm wearing used to belong to a dead person doesn't mean that I will accept any old crap. My mother taught me not to accept any imitations, or anything that was below me. I should accept nothing but the best in all things. When I'm stealing electricity, I'm not just going to steal some low-rent, shoddy electricity that any old idiot could steal. I steal high quality electricity, and I steal it exclusively. I'd rather put up with another case of dysentery than be caught dead with low-grade electricity. I want electricity to be so smooth you could shave a baby's butt with it. I want electricity so pure it lathers up with the barest of efforts. I want electricity I can eat off of.

I'm not just talking about electricity from some jackhole trailer in a bumfuck trailer park. I'm not even settling for electricity stolen from the local YMCA (although in a pinch it'll have to do). I only steal name brand electricity from the finest resorts and country clubs. I'll steal electricity from high class casinos and hotels. If, God forbid, they catch me stealing electricity, I don't want to be chased off by just any old imbecile threatening to call the police. I want a place where they'll refer to me as ma'am. "Ma'am, if you don't stop doing what you're doing, I'm going to call the police," they say. I may be a squatter, but I deserve the respect of in actual management, somebody with a real name tag to shoo me away. Not just some old lady with a broom. Other, run-of-the-mill squatters might be fine with that. Not me.

You people who actually own or rent your own homes, you get electricity all the time, and you probably completely take it for granted. But I'm an electricity connoisseur. High-quality electricity smells better than the low quality stuff. As soon as I get the good stuff coming into my shack, there's a definite aroma that resonates that you probably wouldn't recognize. Name brand electricity has a better texture, and it doesn't fall apart as easily. It's sturdy. It's solid. Some things in life that cost more, you're paying for the name. But with electricity, when you've got the good stuff, you're paying for quality. And frankly, just because my diet consists almost entirely of hot dogs and cigarettes doesn't mean I don't have a place for fancy electricity in my life, and I'll go to great lengths to steal it. But don't worry about me stealing it from you-- your common electricity is probably far too shitty for my tastes.
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with love from CRS @ 10:06 AM 

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