bitterisataste . . . words and ramblings . . . v.6.0

Monday, May 19, 2008

this entry brought to you by sons and daughters, "gilt complex"

THE GOOD

Kingdom of Heaven I never particularly found the trailers for Kingdom of Heaven to be all that compelling, and wasn't really looking forward to seeing it. After Lord of the Rings, there seems to be several movies a year that feature a metric shit-ton of CGI armies clashing with one another, with giant, striding pans up into the sky that show approximately one hojillion little CGI dots, that're supposed to show how overwhelming the odds are in one side's favor. I've loved a bunch of these movies (LOTR of course, 300, thought Troy ended up being pretty darned good), but it's difficult to get enthusiasm up for any of them, despite how good the pedigree is: this one's brought to you by Ridley Scott. And unfortunately, while I did end up enjoying the movie, I felt this one was pretty lackluster. For one, I'm getting tired of seeing Orlando Bloom in these types of roles, and while I don't mind him as a supporting actor, he simply isn't interesting enough as a lead actor, and this movie's lack of identity falls heavily on his shoulders (although I would like to mention that I absolutely could not take my eyes off of Eva Green, the lead female, whose alluringly large eyes are hypnotizing). For another, however, the battle scenes just aren't that interesting. While gigantic armies clashing with one another is expected, there really isn't the brutality or, for that matter, style that other movies have to stand out amongst the pack. Scott's idea to focus on the gigantic fireballs exploding on the city is a good one and is the sole stylistic choice to stand out, but the battles here go on for far too long without really going anywhere interesting. Still, I did find the plot interesting: movies like this tend to take place in either a fantasy land or in a heavily stylized version of history, but this one decides to take be a historical representation of a real battle in Israel, with the two warring factions, Christianity and Islam, clashing, and drawing very solid parallels with current times, yet doesn't set up either side as being the bad guys; while the Christians are obviously the protagonists, the Muslim antagonists are given depth without unnecessarily prettying anything up, and are given real motivation for their actions, versus merely being the bad guys. You truly sympathize with the Muslims and understand where they're coming from, and the delicate balance that Scott strikes is a worthy and successful one, and it's for this reason that the movie shines through. Kingdom of Heaven isn't a mind-blowing experience, but separates itself enough from being a tired retread through this genre.

Elisha Cuthbert on the cover of Maxim I've always thought she was a cutie, and I have absolutely got to commend the make-up artist for this cover shoot, because instead of giving her "model make-up" which they generally do, they decided to go with a much more natural look, and man, she is a beauty. Perhaps she's a bad actress or something, but I don't know why she keeps getting these roles in these awful movies like The Girl Next Door or House of Wax or Captured or whatever the hell.

Lays Limon Potato Chips I am absolutely an addict whenever we buy these chips. If the Lays are on sale and my wife and I grab a couple bags, one flavor for her, one flavor for me, I inevitably pick the Limon flavored ones. And then I proceed to eat them like a madman. To me, they're not just tasty, they're addictive. It's like, once I eat one, I must eat more. Isn't their motto "Betcha can't eat just one!"? Because if it is, this is doubly true of the Limon flavored ones.

ZZ Top I wouldn't consider myself a fan or anything, but it hasn't been until I've gotten older that I've grown to appreciate ZZ Top. What's great about them (aside from the obvious fact that Billy Gibbons is an excellent guitar player) is that every song I hear isn't so much good as it is "cool". Certainly, it's a down-home, redneck kind of cool, but definitely cool nonetheless.

This video from a guy who has Moebius Syndrome I found out about Moebius Syndrome from reading a piece of fiction in Esquire. The main character suffers from it, and says that he can't make facial expressions, so people can't tell that he hates them. Reading that fascinated me, and I went and looked it up on Youtube and found a whole bunch of videos with people that suffer from it, and it's fascinating. This guy that I'm linking here, Jose, does the best job I found of explaining it and giving brief examples of what it's like. I wish he were a little more prepared-- he's clearly doing this off the cuff without rehearsing or writing down what he wants to say, and since what he does have to say is so interesting, I wish he was more rehearsed-- but I was fascinated with his clip, and really looked forward to sharing it.

THE BAD

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale After watching and reviewing the Uwe Boll movies Bloodrayne 1 and 2, House of the Dead, and Alone in the Dark, I decided to sit on Dungeon Siege, which was his fourth in a line of games to awful, awful, awful movies, because frankly, I just can't take that much Uwe Boll. So the movie has been sitting on my harddrive for weeks now, and I decided it was finally time to watch it. I wondered, exactly which Uwe Boll was I going to get? Was I going to get the Uwe Boll who makes dreadful, shitty video game movies that are at least full of gore and nudity, ala Bloodrayne1 and House of the Dead, or the Uwe Boll who makes, horrific, shitty video game movies that don't even bother to be trashy, like Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne 2? About twenty minutes in, after a bunch of shitty Orc-like creatures that look like men in costumes bought at the local costume store had been killed without a drop of blood, I decided to check the movie's rating: PG-13?? Look, I'm not a gore hound. I really don't like gory movies at all. But if I'm going to watch movies this repugnant, there needs to at least be some heads blowing up and some chicks running around naked. If this was going to be rated PG-13 there was just no way in hell I could possibly slog all the way through it, and to make matters worse, while his other movies have all averaged 90 minutes, this one's fucking two hours long, so I quit. I'm sure it's not even as bad a movie as Alone in the Dark was, but Dungeon Siege is officially the first Uwe Boll movie I didn't make it all the way through.

Hillary Clinton I'll still vote for her if she's the one that gets nominated by the party, and I would still say that I like her more than I don't like her. But man, over the past months since John Edwards dropped out, she just keeps reinforcing why I'm supporting Obama to the point where I'm more than disappointed in her. There are a lot of Clinton haters who say this is just how the Clintons are, her true colors are coming out now that the chips are down, and I think there's an element of truth to it, but I also think that she's better than the way her campaign is going, and I think she should fire her campaign managers. The attack ads, the politics of fear, the way she won't stop picking on Obama for absolutely the most nonsensical things, then getting caught fabricating stories about her trip to Bosnia-- what the fuck, Hillary? I wouldn't mind you in office because I do think you're qualified for the job, but I certainly would mind it if you get in office with the way you're going about it.

Tila Tequila Listen, I understand what average fuckheads see in Tila Tequila. She looks like the Asian variation of the definition of vapid post millennium celebrity/stripper. Her rack does not impress me, I'm not impressed with her miniature body, but there are guys who haven't a hint of originality or desire for subtlety who I can see would jack off on pictures of her. But what really disturbs me about Miss Tequila (by the way, that's a real classy surname there, ma'am) is her gigantic fucking head. She looks like a goddamn Bobble head. Seriously, it looks like if she were in a car that came to a halt very suddenly, her head would pop off entirely. If that's your thing man, hey, have fun with that image.

Cleveland gets his own spin-off from Family Guy I'm going to go ahead and give this a preemptive thumbs down, but I'm going to say this: There's a possibility that it could be great. However, the style and humor has got to be very different from Family Guy and American Dad, or else I don't know how this could possibly make for anything more than an interesting mid-summer replacement we know isn't intentionally going to last longer than its initial 13 episodes. For one thing, Cleveland is an amusing character, but it's impossible to see how they can make an entire show around him without doing something really, really unique. For another, if the humor is just like the show it's based on, that Seth McFarlane brand of humor is just going to run really thin and overstay its welcome. There's only so much ADD-addled, in-your-face humor that is intentionally trying to be edgy that a person can take. Which isn't to say I don't like Family Guy, I do, but come on.

Models in mens magazines "starring" in an upcoming movie I don't really understand what the term "starring" means. I thought it meant somebody in the actual billing, somebody that was one of the main characters. But what you'll often see in men's magazines is a model looking all sexy, and the print next to the pictures say that this hot so-and-so is starring in an upcoming movie. Then you watch the movie and the model's character is there as a bad date, or an ex girlfriend that shows up in one scene, or some girl that shows up in the creepy best friend's fantasies. I remember when The Aviator came out, Gwen Stefani's album was also coming out at the same time, so every interview with Gwen Stefani and every photo spread would mention her ubiquity at that time, saying that she had a new hit album, a clothing line, and was starring in Martin Scorsese's new movie with Leonardo DiCaprio called The Aviator. But she is literally just a good looking model that Howard Hughes shows up to a party with during one scene, and has one line, if that. Yes, she's got three or four minutes of screen time, so she's not somebody you would miss if you knew she was in it, but starring?
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with love from CRS @ 7:22 AM

Monday, May 19, 2008

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