Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

The People That Had Apparently Never Heard an Ironic Statement Before

Thursday, May 29, 2008

this entry brought to you by the dresden dolls, "first orgasm"

I work in a grocery store overnight, but I get there at 11, and our store closes at 12. Once, I was at work, I thought the store was closed, and a guy I know named Pierre, who I could see on the other side of the store, was riding a 6 wheeler like a skateboard. I shouted out "I hope you fall off that, break your skull, and die!"

I turned around and there were customers there, a man and two women. I assumed the store was closed, but apparently we weren't yet. And they were staring at me with a cross between shock and fright, the kind of face a mother makes when she pulls her children closer after a man jumps out from an alley and flashes them.

I smiled in an embarrassed, apologetic fashion. "Oh," I said, explaining. "I know him. I'm just teasing him."

They all continued to look at me as if this was an unsatisfactory explanation, as if I'd just hit my wife across the face and explained that I wasn't mad at her, that I was just playing around. "We're friends," I said. "I don't actually want him to die."

It was starting to become hilarious to me, because these people were still staring at me with their heads half turned away, when people do that "Uh-huh... Oookaaaay" kind of thing, as if they don't believe me, but I'm obviously dangerous and if they don't placate me, I'm going to hurt them. "Sometimes," I said, "human beings joke around with their friends and pretend that they want the other person dead, when in fact they do not. I would say that it's fairly common."

I thought what I said was absolutely hilarious, but unfortunately the only audience I had was people who had never heard an ironic statement before, so it fell on deaf ears. Still, trust me. It was pretty frigging hilarious.

with love from CRS @ 9:50 AM 


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