CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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My Friends Did It On My Bed

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

this entry brought to you by menomena, "evil bee"


When I was in high school I had a friend named Nathan Vinable. He was an extremely good-looking guy; looked uncannily like Kurt Cobain. Nathan was very proud of the fact that he'd had sex with five different girls, and we were only 15. This wasn't just a lie he made up; I knew three of the five girls he'd had sex with, so I could confirm that this was the truth. In his defense, Nathan didn't act like he was a sex god, but being 15, this was a huge number, and, well, he bragged about it. Frankly, I probably would have bragged about it too. I knew that Nathan was full of shit when he bragged about it, but I still kind of looked up to him. When you're 15 it's impossible to not look up to the guy who's had sex with five chicks, even if you're not exactly dying to lose your virginity.

Then there was Misty Mollinary. Misty was hot. And out of all of my friends, I'm going to have to brag for a moment, I saw her boobs first. But that's not the point. The point is that she had the hots for Nathan and he the hots for her, and they wanted to have sex. Problem was they had no where to do it. My whole group of friends hung out at the mall every day, so both of them could make it to the mall without parents wondering what was going on. But for either of them to bring a member of the opposite sex to their house would raise questions.

Then there was me. I lived right next to the mall we all hung out at, and my mom worked an evening shift, meaning the house was empty until about 10 at night, sometimes 11. Nathan and Misty thought it would be a great idea if they had sex on my bed. I was completely opposed to the idea. For one thing, I had the hots for Misty, but that wasn't really the point to me. I didn't have any problems with Nathan having sex with her, but to have sex with a girl I'd like to have sex with on my bed before I even got a chance to do so-- or, for that matter, do it with anyone-- seemed vile and inconsiderate, not to mention just plain awkward. I felt like the uncool friend out of a group of friends who has a cool house and is used so his friends can have a party at his house when his parents aren't home. I felt like I was being used. This was especially frustrating because out of my friends, I most certainly was not the uncool kid-- but the fact that I had low self esteem and always doubted my place in my group of friends didn't help matters.

Regardless, I gave in to peer pressure, which is one of the only times I can say that I was adamant about something and then gave in. They said they'd do the same thing if I was in their place. They said I was the only one they could really trust like this, that I was one of their best friends, etc etc. Whatever.

We went to my place and they went in my room. About a half hour later they emerged, both with expressions on their faces that you didn't even have to ask how it went: it was obviously not a good time.

There was silence as we walked back to the mall. I asked Misty what happened. She lit up a cigarette and in the most matter-of-fact, borderline disgusted voice one could imagine, she said that he had a hard time getting it up, he groped awkwardly, and when he put the condom on he couldn't find the right hole, finally got it right, had an awful rhythm, and somewhere along the line the condom fell off. He tried to do her bareback despite her mild protests-- she was on the pill but was worried about the other five girls he'd had sex with-- but then lost his erection and couldn't get it back up. When I asked Nathan his side of the story he basically confirmed everything, saying things like it was too dark, things like that, but surprisingly, didn't blame her. He knew his performance was awful and he didn't even pretend it wasn't.

It's not that I thought Nathan was a love god. But he'd had sex with five different chicks-- surely he'd had enough experience to do well. Surely he'd had enough experience to get a good time out of it, if not at least for himself. This wasn't just the awkward fumbling of a 15 year old, this was a spectacular failure. And if a 15 year old guy who'd had sex with five girls could still fail as spectacularly as he did, it showed me that afterall, he was still just 15. It's not that I was in a hurry to get rid of my virginity. But when my friend who, up to this point, was pretty much the most sex-surrounded guy I knew regardless of whether I thought he was as awesome as he said he was or not, I realized exactly why I wasn't in such a hurry to get rid of it.
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with love from CRS @ 4:35 AM 

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