bitterisataste . . . words and ramblings . . . v.6.0

Sunday, July 29, 2007

this entry brought to you by nine inch nails, "deep"

FAIRFAX-- Tragedy struck as more than 500 are reported dead after an awesome music festival this past Saturday. The Village Joy Festival, which has been held annually for the past six years in Fairfax, VA, and had a total of 80,000 music lovers attending over the weekend, started off without a hitch when it kicked off Saturday, July 28th, at 11:00 in the morning, said festival organizers Music Forever Inc. "We had scheduled a day of unabashedly awesome music, and had tried very hard to get only the most awesome bands," said Mark Finch, who was key to putting the Village Joy Festival together from the beginning. "This year included Pearl Jam, The Police, Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Tom Petty, Willie Nelson, a reunited Fugees, Foo Fighters, Kiss, Paul McCartney, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Arctic Monkeys, Bjork, Tool, Depeche Mode, just to name a few. Basically we tried to get every single band that would be the headliner of any other festival, and put them all into one. We thought it would be monumental."

The day began with up-and-coming awesome band The National, and things seemed to be going extremely well until 2:00 pm, when the first death occurred during Spoon's awesome set. "We were shocked when the first death occurred," said Finch, "because we were positive that we had supplied more than adequate food, water, and porta potties. We thought that it was terrible, but that it must have been just a fluke."

By 4 o'clock that afternoon however, attendees described that people were "dropping like flies." When organizers investigated, they discovered the problem, but it was far too late to fix it: the festival was just much too awesome. "People we just getting their asses rocked far too hard for far too long for that many people to be able to sustain," said Finch. "But we couldn't just stop the festival because people were dying. If we had tried to cancel the show in the middle of it all, there would've been riots, and the death toll would've reached untold numbers. We decided to let things go as planned, even if it meant losing dozens and dozens of people every half hour from rock exhaustion. It was better than the alternative."

Attendee Brian Jordan had this to say: "My girlfriend and I were watching Pearl Jam's set, and it was rad, right? And suddenly [guitarist] Stone Gossard ripped into this totally wicked solo during 'Go', and my girlfriend just fell to the ground. I was going to check to see if she was okay and maybe get some help, but it was just so fucking awesome all I could do was keep rocking out. I honestly think she would have wanted it that way."

"All of my friends survived," said Jessica Numan, another attendee. "But some of us totally envied the dead, like, I'm probably going to die some shitty way, like in a car accident or something, not in an bad-ass way, like rocking out at an awesome rock concert."

Music Forever Inc. has promised that, despite the tragedy of 500 dead after this last Saturday, The Village Joy Festival would continue on next year. When asked if they would take any preventative measures against the likes of so many people dying next year, Fincher said "Hell no we're not going to take any measures to stop so many people from dying next year. Can you imagine how awful that would be if next year's festival was less awesome? I don't think we've reached our potential yet; this festival can be even more awesome. However, next year I promise that we will have much more staff to remove the bodies from the grounds much quicker and more efficiently, so that attendees will not trip over the dead as they continue to rock out, which happened a lot this year."
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on this day last year this one's a simple one, but it still makes me laugh.
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with love from CRS @ 8:14 AM

Sunday, July 29, 2007

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