CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

ARCHIVES!
Tired Bottled Water Jokes

Friday, May 25, 2007

this entry brought to you by nine inch nails, "the vessel"


When I was a kid, lazy comedians used to joke about the difficulty of programming VCRs. This joke was always horrifically unfunny to me. I would be listening to some comedian complaining about how difficult it was just to set the clock on his VCR, and I would look over at my own VCR, notice what time it was, and realize that I needed to set it for recording whatever was coming on later that night-- and forty seconds later would be done. That was the reason why VCR Plus failed. There was this conception that nobody knew how to program their VCRs, when in fact this was never true. Sure, my Grandmother didn't know how to program a VCR, but my grandmother also didn't know how to use a calculator. In fact, I only knew a single household who ever had the "12:00" blinking on their VCR when I walked into their home, and they regularly didn't pay their electricity bill.

Nowadays a subject I see every comedian complaining about is bottled water. It seems absolutely ludicrous to them that anyone would ever pay money for water. And I'm like, where the fuck do you live, the Himalayas? I have no idea what your water tastes like, but everywhere I have ever lived, the tap always tastes like varying flavors of dirt mixed with lead, and this is inside my house, at work, or at restaurants. In fact, here in Phoenix, the tap water is so awful, if you take pity on the illegal immigrants who cross over into the country and dehydrate in the desert by attempting to help them with a glass of tap water, they'll spit it back at you and say "What the fuck are you trying to do to me, gringo?"

I mean, if you live up in fucking Montana with a river going directly from the mountains and into your backyard, and the water is so fresh and delicious even the bathwater you leave behind is worth saving for guests, then no, don't spend 2 bucks for a bottle of water. But please recognize that for some of us, it's either spend $2 dollars for water in a bottle, or drink so much soda we die of kidney failure at the tender age of 17.
-----



on this day last year how can religious people claim to be optimistic, when they have a world view where the whole world ends someday?
-----

with love from CRS @ 8:36 AM 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment