CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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1 Billionth Yellow Ribbon Bumper Sticker Magically Supports Troops

Sunday, October 29, 2006

this entry brought to you by modest mouse, "float on"


FALLUJAH-- After what felt like countless months of fighting, troops of the 970th finally caught a break last Wednesday, fighting Iraqi insurgents.

"Me and my buddy were taking cover of a building as we were fired on," says Private Joe Palmer. "They were laying out pretty heavy fire, and we could barely get a few shots off in return. They really had us pinned, and we had no idea where the rest of our unit was. We thought we were goners."

It was then, at that moment, when waves of beautiful, calming vibrations rippled through the skies in wondrous rainbow colors, a sight the two soldiers had never seen before.

"Suddenly it sounded like the singing of a thousand angels, and I couldn't hear no gunshots or explosions no more. All I could hear was that beautiful sound. I turn to my buddy, and I don't even have to ask if he sees and hears the same thing because he's looking at me with this smile, and that's when I feel it. All the fatigue I'd had, all the fear, the cuts and bruises, everything was gone, and was replaced with energy, strength, and fuckin' American badassness. Suddenly I felt like I had the strength of ten men, the agility of a hummingbird, and everything was in slow motion, like in The Matrix. My buddy and I throw down our guns and burst from our cover and we just dodge those fuckin' bullets, slappin' them out of the air like they was horseflies. And that's when I see all the rest of the guys from our unit bursting out from their cover, all of us charging at the bad guys, punching and kicking our way through the insurgents like they were made of exploding paper bags full of guts. It was a miracle."

This magical event was later found connected with the exact moment the 1 billionth Yellow Ribbon Bumper Sticker was purchased and placed on a car. It was purchased by Charlton and Grace McDermott from Columbus, OH, at a local Wal-Mart, and printed in China by American Patriots For the Troops, LLC. When reached for comment about their miraculous purchase, Mr McDermott said, "We were going to buy one of those bags of dog treats that's fun to munch for dogs and dog owners alike, but something told me my support of our troops by helping a for-profit company make more money would have a tangible effect on the war. I'm glad to see it did." Added Mrs. McDermott, "AMERICA KICKS ASS!! WHOOOOOOOO!"
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on this day last year another one liner, but seriously, you should probably click the link.
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with love from CRS @ 6:19 PM 

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