CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Staying Off the Streets and Being Safe, with Deshawn Williams

Sunday, September 17, 2006

this entry brought to you by the living things, "bombs below"


Nowadays, it can seem like urban children, especially young, black children growing up below the poverty line don't stand a chance against gangs and street violence. Of course, children with positive role models are least likely to fall victim to the pressures of the inner-city, but what of the children of single parents who work multiple jobs just to get by, and don't have time to be a positive role model? That's where Deshawn Williams comes in. He has dedicated his life to a foundation that goes from school to school in inner-city areas, teaching an innovative way for children to be safe. We recently caught up with him and had a chat.


Deshawn Williams, expert on the war on leading inner-city youth to a good future.


Tell us a little bit about yourself, Mr. Williams.

Please, call me Deshawn.

Of course, Deshawn. Tell us about your life as a young boy.

 Man, growing up in the 'hood is harsh. I remember the day I started junior high, a kid got stabbed to death. And that was just the first day of school! By mid-semester, my brother Tim had joined a gang, and it just totally changed him. It was like I was watching a different person as he got into gang wars and drug dealing. It was then that I decided to dedicate my life to getting ahead, staying off the streets, and giving myself a future. Now that I'm an adult, I want to help give the future that seemed so distant and hard to reach for me to the inner-city youth of today.

Tell us about your Foundation's innovative program for getting kids off the street.

I'd love to. It's called "Be a Bitch".

"Be a Bitch"? Tell us more.

 Well, it starts off with some positive psychological conditioning, where we train you in the processes of "Talking Like a Bitch", "Walking Like a Bitch", and "Running Like a Cracker-Ass Bitch". All these help set you up as a Bitch, and allow you go get into the mindset of being a Bitch. First you start talking like one-- meaning, you never, ever use Ebonics or "ghetto talk", and you speak over everyone's heads like you're better than them. Then we have running and walking like a Bitch-- that is, like you have a stick up your Bitch-ass, and that you have no rhythm. From there, we work on the fundamentals of sports. There's "Throwing Like a Bitch", "Shooting Like a Little Fucking Bitch", and "Being a Little Pussy-Ass Skinny Bitch". The reason we focus so heavily on being a Bitch at sports is we feel so strongly that excelling at sports only sets kids up for failure. When a promising young Quarterback fails to get a scholarship into a prestigious college for sports, he might feel like his only alternative is a life on the streets.

And the final step?

The final step is focusing on the hardest parts of Being a Bitch, and I'm going to admit that if we're going to lose kids in this program, it's most likely right here, in this final, hardest step, which consists of two parts. First we have "Hitting Like a Little Trick-Ass Bitch", where you learn that, if push comes to shove, you absolutely can't fight, so instead you slap and swing wildly like a little Bitch. Then the clincher, "Crying Like a Fuckin' Faggot-Ass Little Pussy Bitch", where you whine constantly like a Bitch, and cry under very little provocation and use our patented method of "Going Running Home to Your Momma Just Like a Little Bitch" method. This part is essential.

Fascinating. And how do you react to your critics that say your "Be a Bitch" program only opens up youth to harassment?

 You certainly would expect that to be the case, and I can't blame my critics for expecting that. And I admit, at first, the Being a Bitch program will lead to some harshness among peers. Eventually, however, if you follow the program the way it's meant to be followed, you'll be such a fucking little Bitch-Ass Bitch that absolutely no one will want to have anything to do with you. Respect in the 'hood only leads younger people wanting to take it from you. There's nothing to be gained by having anything to do with Little Pussy Bitches. Those higher on the totem pole will have so much disgust in your Bitch-Ass they'll soon forget you exist. And that is worth the occasional ass-whooping you will inevitably receive. Take it from me. I've learned this from experience, and honed my Be a Bitch program to what it is today based on that experience.

And there you have it. The "Be a Bitch" Foundation, lead by Deshawn Williams. Saving the lives of one Punk-Ass Bitch at a time.
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on this day last year cute one liner, but don't bother.
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with love from CRS @ 11:05 PM 

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