I'm Birthday Boy, Suckahs
this entry brought to you by giant drag, "kevin is gay"
I didn't go to work today. Yes, it's my birthday, but that actually has nothing to do with my taking the weekend off. It just so happens that friends are coming on the fourth, and it just so happens that's my birthday. Ordinarily though, I like going to work on my birthday. I really don't like making a big deal about my birthday, because the whole thing seems silly. Everybody has one, and what, really, is to celebrate, other than a whole new year that you somehow managed to survive? But I'll be honest: I like the attention. I like telling people that it's my birthday and then getting attention fawned on me.
What I think is hilarious about birthdays is that people act like they don't believe you. "Really?" they say, their eyebrows raised. "No! Get out!" What, you think I'd lie about my birthday? Do you think this is some sort of scam I pull? I tell people it's my birthday just to get presents, is that what you think? What, did you see a story on 20-20 about people using the elusive "birthday" line to get sex? Everybody hop on Birthday Boy! I've got STDs for everyone!
Another possibility for people's disbelief about your birthday is that perhaps they've never actually met someone with a birthday before. "Wow. A Birthday Boy. I heard about those on the telly. About how everyone has sex with them when they say they're Birthday Boy. I sure wish I had me one of them 'birthdays'." Listen, it's not a secret club I and a few other elite people belong to, I'm not telling you I'm a member of Skull & Bones, it's just a birthday . There's no reason to be weary. You're not missing out on anything. Someday, you too could have one! In fact, I'm sure of it! You too could be Birthday Boy-- or maybe, but don't hold me to this one, maybe-- a birthday girl!
Speaking of clubs, do you remember those birthday clubs you could join when you were a kid, and they would show your name on TV along with all the other kids that had birthdays that month? And they'd give you a coupon for one free scoop of ice cream, valid only on your birthday? Why isn't this program available for adults? Why can't I turn on Law & Order on the first of February and see my name along with all the other people who sent the little slip in that have birthdays for this month? It doesn't even have to be on prime time. It could be on "One Life to Life", I don't care! I'll TiVO that bitch! I'll upload it on the internet for everyone to see! Look! Look at Birthday Boy! My name scrolled by during a commercial break on "The Young & the Restless"!
And who wouldn't want a free scoop of ice cream? I mean, yeah, we can just go down to Red Lobster and tell them, "I'm Birthday Boy, lay some cake on me," but they expect you to also pay for something. But a free ice cream scoop? Shit, I'd drive all the way across town for a free ice cream scoop.
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with love from CRS @ 9:33 PM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I didn't go to work today. Yes, it's my birthday, but that actually has nothing to do with my taking the weekend off. It just so happens that friends are coming on the fourth, and it just so happens that's my birthday. Ordinarily though, I like going to work on my birthday. I really don't like making a big deal about my birthday, because the whole thing seems silly. Everybody has one, and what, really, is to celebrate, other than a whole new year that you somehow managed to survive? But I'll be honest: I like the attention. I like telling people that it's my birthday and then getting attention fawned on me.
What I think is hilarious about birthdays is that people act like they don't believe you. "Really?" they say, their eyebrows raised. "No! Get out!" What, you think I'd lie about my birthday? Do you think this is some sort of scam I pull? I tell people it's my birthday just to get presents, is that what you think? What, did you see a story on 20-20 about people using the elusive "birthday" line to get sex? Everybody hop on Birthday Boy! I've got STDs for everyone!
Another possibility for people's disbelief about your birthday is that perhaps they've never actually met someone with a birthday before. "Wow. A Birthday Boy. I heard about those on the telly. About how everyone has sex with them when they say they're Birthday Boy. I sure wish I had me one of them 'birthdays'." Listen, it's not a secret club I and a few other elite people belong to, I'm not telling you I'm a member of Skull & Bones, it's just a birthday . There's no reason to be weary. You're not missing out on anything. Someday, you too could have one! In fact, I'm sure of it! You too could be Birthday Boy-- or maybe, but don't hold me to this one, maybe-- a birthday girl!
Speaking of clubs, do you remember those birthday clubs you could join when you were a kid, and they would show your name on TV along with all the other kids that had birthdays that month? And they'd give you a coupon for one free scoop of ice cream, valid only on your birthday? Why isn't this program available for adults? Why can't I turn on Law & Order on the first of February and see my name along with all the other people who sent the little slip in that have birthdays for this month? It doesn't even have to be on prime time. It could be on "One Life to Life", I don't care! I'll TiVO that bitch! I'll upload it on the internet for everyone to see! Look! Look at Birthday Boy! My name scrolled by during a commercial break on "The Young & the Restless"!
And who wouldn't want a free scoop of ice cream? I mean, yeah, we can just go down to Red Lobster and tell them, "I'm Birthday Boy, lay some cake on me," but they expect you to also pay for something. But a free ice cream scoop? Shit, I'd drive all the way across town for a free ice cream scoop.
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