Compensation for not having a wallet...
this entry brought to you by radiohead, "where i and you begin"
I don't carry a wallet. Never have. I despise sitting down and having my asscheeks feel uneven. I mean, I've seen guys with fat wallets. How the hell do they sit down on that thing? You need a foam pad in the opposite pocket of the same approximate size just to sit right. Instead of a wallet, I keep all my stuff in my pocket.
I've developed a way to figure out what what I'm carrying, and the thing is, I only just recently consciously realized I do this: I give my ass a quick but firm slap. I can tell what I'm carrying in only a moment: credit cards, ID, cash, loose change. So when I'm getting up to go somewhere and I have a quick "Oh shit! Do I have my credit card?" moment, I smack my ass and yes, there it is.
The other day, however, I did an ass-smack loose change check to see if I could buy a soda, and a lady walked by, and I realized for the first time that I do this, and I thought, that lady thinks I just grabbed my own lucious, squeezable ass for no reason other than how beautiful it is. And now I'm all self-conscious, because all I'm doing is checking to make sure I didn't forget anything. I mean, sure, that ass feels fantastic, and I'd probably grab it just to get a good grip on it anyway. But I wouldn't do it in public, unless I was checking for money. This would probably be alleviated by a wallet, where I could just feel this giant extention to my buttcheek at all times.
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with love from CRS @ 8:40 PM
Saturday, December 03, 2005
I don't carry a wallet. Never have. I despise sitting down and having my asscheeks feel uneven. I mean, I've seen guys with fat wallets. How the hell do they sit down on that thing? You need a foam pad in the opposite pocket of the same approximate size just to sit right. Instead of a wallet, I keep all my stuff in my pocket.
I've developed a way to figure out what what I'm carrying, and the thing is, I only just recently consciously realized I do this: I give my ass a quick but firm slap. I can tell what I'm carrying in only a moment: credit cards, ID, cash, loose change. So when I'm getting up to go somewhere and I have a quick "Oh shit! Do I have my credit card?" moment, I smack my ass and yes, there it is.
The other day, however, I did an ass-smack loose change check to see if I could buy a soda, and a lady walked by, and I realized for the first time that I do this, and I thought, that lady thinks I just grabbed my own lucious, squeezable ass for no reason other than how beautiful it is. And now I'm all self-conscious, because all I'm doing is checking to make sure I didn't forget anything. I mean, sure, that ass feels fantastic, and I'd probably grab it just to get a good grip on it anyway. But I wouldn't do it in public, unless I was checking for money. This would probably be alleviated by a wallet, where I could just feel this giant extention to my buttcheek at all times.
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