CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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Seeking Help? Ask Father Cell Phone!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

this entry brought to you by radiohead, "the national anthem"





Q . Father Cell Phone, I'm a Homosexual. But I don't want to live in sin. I have a wife and a two month old daughter. Well, about two years ago ago at work, another homosexual and I have been working together very closely, and I think I'm falling in love. I love my wife, but I've never been in love with her. Are there any passages in the bible that you could recommend me to get through this?

 A. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's not... Yeah, because they know it's besides the point. What you should be doing... yes, listen to me. Go out there and check for yourself. Yeah, hold on... Okay, what was the question? Homosexuality? Well, there's no easy way around this issue, uh... Any of the bible's messages will help. Just seek, and your soul will, uh... Find the answers you seek.

Q. I am 22, and have been struggling with breast cancer since I was 20. I have not been able to live a normal young adult life. Because of therapy, I'm much too weak to go out with friends, and nowadays, since my breast has been removed, even if I did have the energy, I would be too self conscious to be seen in public with my friends. My doctor sees signs that they did not fully remove the cancer, which means more years of therapy. Father Cell Phone, I am at my lowest. What words of Jesus can I use to help myself through this?

 A. My child, this is indeed a troubling issue. It is a terrible, terrible thing when a young woman such as yourself has to-- Hello? Hello?... Lord, Jim! I thought you'd hung up. Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Okay, hold on a second.... Anyway, for guidance from the Lord we must... What? Oh, you know, that's a good idea. I hadn't thought of that... Anyway, my child, seek ye the words of Jesus Christ. Only through him will you find the comfort of eternity.

Q. My wife is Catholic and I'm not. We have a two year old daughter, and lately my wife has been asking when we should have her baptized. Now, I have no problem with baptising her, but I think we should do it when she's about 10, that way she can have a part in the decision. How does the church feel about waiting on baptising?

 A. Well. Ah. Right. Well, son, the church believes... The Bible says... Baptism is very important... Because... Without it... Everyone's born in sin, to get to the kingdom of heaven... so you need to search in your heart and find out what's right for you... God bless... Anyway, where were we? Uh-huh. Uh-huh...

Q. What cell phone service would you recommend, father?

Sprint! I don't even need a home phone!
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with love from CRS @ 4:39 PM 

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