I Have Officially Had Enough of Metrosexuality
this entry brought to you by beck, "que onda guero"
While I was growing up, I was often called gay. It's something I've never really understood, neccesarily-- you mean just because I don't like sports or guns or cars or whatever else macho bullshit you think defines you as a man, that makes me gay?-- it's something I've grown used to and, although it's something that's always irritated me more than a little, I have even embraced. I consider myself fairly effeminite. I reject masculinity, testosterone, macho bullshit. I'm something of a mild feminist; sexism is something I'm acutely aware of and despise.
Although when the show Will & Grace debuted, the idea repulsed me because it was a show based on stereotypes and most of the punchlines had to do with how silly gay people were, my first reaction to what's become known as "metrosexuality" was positive, because it was good that the majority of America was comfortable with gays becoming part of our pop culture. That was my initial reaction to it, anyway. How could I not embrace a pop culture movement that rejected masculinity? Prior to this, we were suffering through aggro-musclehead crap like Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit and Woodstock '99, and how could I not embrace something that rejected that?
But you know, as much as I tried to adjust to it, to accept it, I'm officially fed up. I am sick to hell with boys and their hair fluttered out like a game hen version of a peacock, who duck into men's rooms just to stand in front of the mirror and primp their hair for five minutes, or worse, reapply make up. Listen, women who spend too much time applying make up or self-grooming irritate the shit out of me, so it is inexcusable for a man to behave that way.
The final straw, really, was when I started to detect a trend that disturbed me: men wearing women's jeans. Listen. I found a girl once upon a time that was exactly my height and had a 36 inch waist (which fit me at the time), and, curious, I tried them on. And you know what? They crushed my crotch. You want to know why? Because women don't have testicles!!
Now, initially, I wanted to accept this whole metrosexual thing. Who am I, of all people, to tell someone they're not manly enough? Me, a guy who cringes when stuck in line next to construction workers, or frat boys, or jocks, or any guy with an army logo on his shirt, or even a guy flipping through Stuff, a magazine that I read! But when a grown man starts sacrificing personal comfort-- in this case, the most important kind of comfort-- just for some ridiculous trend that doesn't make any sense anyway, I have had enough. The guys who do it say it shows off their butts, but most guys who do this are scrawny white guys-- this is like giving an 11 year old girl a wonderbra.
Seriously, that's the last fucking straw. Get some real manhood. Fucking stop putting on make up. Stop plucking your eyebrows. That stupid pencil goatee looks like some long, crawly insect attached itself to your face. Earrings are for midlife crises, not young men. Nipple rings are for guys who would sniff coke off a dog's anus. Peacock hair is for people performing in broadway musicals, or otherwise get paid to look like that. And women's pants are for women who wear pants.
-----
with love from CRS @ 10:14 AM
Thursday, October 27, 2005
While I was growing up, I was often called gay. It's something I've never really understood, neccesarily-- you mean just because I don't like sports or guns or cars or whatever else macho bullshit you think defines you as a man, that makes me gay?-- it's something I've grown used to and, although it's something that's always irritated me more than a little, I have even embraced. I consider myself fairly effeminite. I reject masculinity, testosterone, macho bullshit. I'm something of a mild feminist; sexism is something I'm acutely aware of and despise.
Although when the show Will & Grace debuted, the idea repulsed me because it was a show based on stereotypes and most of the punchlines had to do with how silly gay people were, my first reaction to what's become known as "metrosexuality" was positive, because it was good that the majority of America was comfortable with gays becoming part of our pop culture. That was my initial reaction to it, anyway. How could I not embrace a pop culture movement that rejected masculinity? Prior to this, we were suffering through aggro-musclehead crap like Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit and Woodstock '99, and how could I not embrace something that rejected that?
But you know, as much as I tried to adjust to it, to accept it, I'm officially fed up. I am sick to hell with boys and their hair fluttered out like a game hen version of a peacock, who duck into men's rooms just to stand in front of the mirror and primp their hair for five minutes, or worse, reapply make up. Listen, women who spend too much time applying make up or self-grooming irritate the shit out of me, so it is inexcusable for a man to behave that way.
The final straw, really, was when I started to detect a trend that disturbed me: men wearing women's jeans. Listen. I found a girl once upon a time that was exactly my height and had a 36 inch waist (which fit me at the time), and, curious, I tried them on. And you know what? They crushed my crotch. You want to know why? Because women don't have testicles!!
Now, initially, I wanted to accept this whole metrosexual thing. Who am I, of all people, to tell someone they're not manly enough? Me, a guy who cringes when stuck in line next to construction workers, or frat boys, or jocks, or any guy with an army logo on his shirt, or even a guy flipping through Stuff, a magazine that I read! But when a grown man starts sacrificing personal comfort-- in this case, the most important kind of comfort-- just for some ridiculous trend that doesn't make any sense anyway, I have had enough. The guys who do it say it shows off their butts, but most guys who do this are scrawny white guys-- this is like giving an 11 year old girl a wonderbra.
Seriously, that's the last fucking straw. Get some real manhood. Fucking stop putting on make up. Stop plucking your eyebrows. That stupid pencil goatee looks like some long, crawly insect attached itself to your face. Earrings are for midlife crises, not young men. Nipple rings are for guys who would sniff coke off a dog's anus. Peacock hair is for people performing in broadway musicals, or otherwise get paid to look like that. And women's pants are for women who wear pants.
-----
