CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

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The BUSHWHACKER Updates America on Iraq! Now in Technicolor!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

this entry brought to you by foo fighters, "low"


Ladies and Gentleman. Americans. I now present to you the Colonel of Chaos... The Captain of Cold... The Commander of Calamity... Heeeeeeeeere's Bushwhacker!




Good evening, American Earthlings. It's your ol' boy, Bushwhacker Supreme. How y'all doin' today? I figgered it was time for an address all up in yo face tonight, to tell you how the war was a go-going.

A few days ago, I was reading some speeches by dead presidents that I've never heard of, who's names I can't pronounce, and I noticed something. During times of trouble and strife, many of them actually were honest, and kept the bullshit-o-meter at a big zero percent. They weren't there to make people feel good about themselves, and they weren't there to keep people rigor mortis'd with fear. They-- now, I know this don't make no sense-- but they actually wanted to tell people how it honestly was. This, I assume, was to inspire motivation to be all that they could be. To get them to feel the world's danger, and let them know that nothing would change without their determination. They wanted the people to feel that everyone was in on it together, and that the sheer will of the American people would make the world a better place through everyone's hard work.

Now, you may say that this is an interesting strategy, and I would agree with that. If, by interesting, you meant idiotic. I prefer to keep the American People afraid by randomly dropping scary words and names, and keep them complacent at the same time, with feel-good, back-patting patriotism. And so, with that, I put my hands on the Necronomicon, and I let my tongue let loose a stream-of-conscious blob of propaganda.

Y'all ready? Ahem.

Remember 9/11. The world is still filled with scary people. Bombings. Terror. Death of innocence. Buildings collapsing. Terror. Screaming. Never-ending scary shit. Terror. 9/11. Terror. The familes. Loved ones. Only with your support. Terror. Osama Bin Laden. Al Qaeda. Iraqi insurgents. Plausibly deniable vagueness connecting Iraq with 9/11. Some more spooky shit. The boogey man. In your goddamn closet. Cars blowing up civilians. Cars blowing up children. Osama Bin Laden stealing your socks and peeing in your American Coffee. And just for good measure, roaches. Big ones. Crawling in your mouth while you sleep. They hate our freedom!

Okay. Now for the part where I make you feel good for yourselves, so you don't actually start thinking for yourselves.

Iraq's free elections. A couple countries helping. Support the troops. America fucking rules. More hospitals, finally. Some electricity. A new, slightly less evil regime. Picked by the Iraqi people. America kicks ass. Freedom. Slightly more stable economy. Running water soon. America is a bad motherfucker. Uhm. Democracy. Freedom. The soldiers are the true heroes. Support the troops. My heart. Uhm. Loved ones? ...Dead.. Soldiers. Uhm. Historical. This is the most important event in the history of the goddamn universe. Freedom, freedom, freedom. Some inspiring words somebody else said already. All other countries lick America's anus, because we rule so fucking much and everyone else is gay. They hate our wonderful, juicy, delicious freedom!

I think that's about enough. Are y'all scared yet complacent? Hmm? Okay, I thought so. Until next time, I remain the One and Only Bushwhacker. Catch y'all bitches on the flipside.

END COMMUNICATION



Wow. That... Wow. I'm shaking. That was the best... Wow. I thank the Lord Almighty who created me, that I lived to see such a... Wow. What did you think, Jim?


I just came. In my pants. Want to see?


Why, yes. Yes, I would, Jim.
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with love from CRS @ 7:09 PM 

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