Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Monday, November 12, 2012

this entry brought to you by foo fighters, "one of these days"

LOS ANGELES-- A surprised and emotional Stevie Wonder announced on Wednesday that he had accidentally left the television on Fox News during the election, and heard Bill O'Reilly complaining that America was no longer a "traditional white country."

"All this time," said the R&B singer, nearly choking with pride, "I assumed that Barack Obama was an elaborate joke being played on me. I always played along, calling people's bluff, knowing one day somebody would slip up and tell me the whole time Barack Obama was just a white guy with a weird name."

Wonder went on to explain that people had tried to pull the exact same prank with Bill Clinton by repeatedly referring to him as "The First Black President" and "The Welfare President", and then later, by impeaching him.

"I never really fell for it because he didn't sound like a brother, he sounded like a white man doing a good impression of a black man," said Mr. Wonder. "But at least they hated him like they would hate him like a black man, so I was half convinced."

Stevie Wonder admitted that he has completely avoided right wing media altogether for the entirety of the past twelve years, saying "I'm an old man, and exposing yourself to that shit at my age will find you slipping into early onset dementia. So when my friends were telling me about all the racism coming from the right-wing at this supposed 'black president', I just kept smiling, saying, yeah, uh-huh, sure."

" They didn't even try to impeach him! How in the world could he even be a little brown?" asked Wonder.

The multi Grammy award winning singer of such classics as "Part Time Lover" and "Superstition" said that it was totally by chance that he accidentally left the channel on Fox News, having just switched from Time Warner to Comcast and unaware that Channel 43 was no longer TV Land.

"There I was, happy about the re-election of the man I voted for, and ready to relieve the stress of the day by watching some Sanford and Son, when I hear some cracker asshole lamenting 'traditional white America', and I'm like-- wait, you mean all this time Obama really was black?" said a teary Wonder.

Stevie Wonder then went on to asked if someone would honestly and truly answer him about Condoleeza Rice in the Bush administration. "No one like that could possibly be black, right?"

with love from CRS @ 3:51 PM 


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