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There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Halloween Costume Ideas 2012!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

this entry brought to you by nirvana, "breed"

The Avengers was a smash hit this summer, and they're going to be a popular theme at any Halloween party you attend tomorrow. But you don't want to look like everyone else, do you? So come as an Avenger, except come how they would be in real life:

Realistic Iron Man: In real life, CEOs of weapons manufacturers are not charming and charismatic. Charming and charismatic CEOs make consumer products that create cult-like following, like Steve Jobs. So your Iron Man costume should consist of taping Apple handheld products to yourself from head to toe. You know you've got several dead or outdated ones just laying around.

Realistic Incredible Hulk: To get that good Gamma Radiation effect, develop a horrible rash and pull out your hair in clumps. Act extremely lethargic.

Realistic Black Widow: In real life, secret agents try their best to not stand out. And who stands out less in a crowd than your Grandma? So dress as her, except with a Russian accent.

Realistic Loki: Loki is a trickster with Daddy issues who will say and do anything to gain complete power. Sounds like Mitt Romney to me. You can add that Loki helmet to your Mitt Romney mask if you like, so you don't get confused with the Devil.

Realistic Green Arrow: The only people that good with bows and arrows in real life are right-wing freakazoid off-the-grid survivalist psycho hillbillies, so dress as Daryl from The Walking Dead. Hang out with the girl dressed as a Grandma with a Russian accent to complete the effect.

Realistic Captain America: In the movie, Captain America is sort of this weird old guy who just seems to be there and nobody has any idea why the hell they should care, until he lays the smack down and totally demolishes his opponent out of nowhere and you realize, oh shit, that's right, this guy is kind of awesome. In real life, that exactly describes Joe Biden.

Realistic Nick Fury: In the movie, Nick Fury is the coolest black guy in the world that everybody wants a piece of, and also, he has an eyepatch. In real life, the coolest black guy that everybody wants a piece of is Barack Obama in an eye patch.

Realistic Thor: There is no other god than the One True God, so a realistic Thor costume would be Jesus.

Of course, there was another comic book movie this year that's bound to get a few costumes.

Realistic Batman: Some people think that what makes Batman, in real life, would be a crazy guy. Or that he would basically be super rich, so he would be Bill Gates. What this neglects is that Batman is too cool to be just some crazy guy, or just the richest guy. And the coolest non-black guy who is a public enough figure that nobody would suspect or question his strange behavior, yet could also be hiding a dark past, is Christian Bale himself.

Realistic Bane:The trick to Bane isn't so much the voice, or the mask, it's actually having a bad-ass vest to put your thumbs in constantly.

Realistic Catwoman: If you're a hot lady, wear something that's black and skin-tight, then just look super hot on a motorcycle all night. Really, we didn't get to see that enough in the movie, so no matter how little effort you put into the costume itself, you'll be a big hit.

And oh yeah, there was one more comic book guy...

Realistic Spider-Man: You're going to want to do the same thing as the Hulk, except make your rash incredibly localized.

Realistic Amazing Spider-Man: Have the exact same rash as the guy dressed as the Realistic Spider-Man, making you completely redundant.

And, just in case you want some costume ideas but don't care about superheros, there's...

Sexy Dead Fish.

Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Sexy Forced Ultrasound.

Sexy Testicles.

Angel Rape-Baby: Because all rape babies are gifts from god, exactly as he wanted them.

Hurricane Sandy: This is obviously the first sign of the 2012 Apocalypse, predicted 2012 years ago by the Mayans, so the best representation of that would be a John Cusack mask.

with love from CRS @ 10:41 AM 


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