CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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13 Things I Was Up To While I Was Offline

Sunday, February 13, 2011

this entry brought to you by ambulance ltd, "yoga means union"


Michelle and I lost Internet access on January 9th, and here it is, a whole month later, when we finally get it back. So, what the hell did I do to pass the time for the past month?

* Maintained a constant erection through sheer force of will. By the time the entire month was done I couldn't feel anything below my belly button, but I was still proud of myself because I accomplished something.

* Made my own honey from my own saliva. It's difficult to get the right viscosity, but you'd be amazed what you can do with a steady diet of caramel and Mountain Dew.

* Our brand spanking new computer is bound to attract evil, so I got the house nice and filthy to dissuade burglars from stealing anything. If the house immediately looks like shit as soon as you come in, there's no way I could have anything nice, right?

* Experimented on how long I could go without changing the baby's diaper. Turns out no matter what your results, they get horrific rashes that can cause permanent scarring. Well, this is what science is for, right?

* Clicked "refresh" constantly on my homepage until something came up. Coincidentally, the Internet happened to load the day after I paid the bill. Funny how the universe works out that way.

* Rock n' rolled all day and partied ev-er-y night. You know, just to flip the script.

* Two weeks manic, two weeks depressive.

* Spent the whole month teaching the baby to swear, only to realize that babies swearing is the lowest form of humor. But by then it was too late. By then it was too late.

* Started a few fires that I just now remembered I forgot to put out.

* Perfected my beat boxing skills.

* Invented a time machine so that I could go back to 1983 when anyone actually gave a shit about beat boxing skills.

* Finally saved up enough cereal UPCs to get those X-Ray glasses I'd had my eyes on, but they ended up being a disappointment. Why the hell would I want to see a girl's skeleton?

* Started and ended my career as a superhero. Turns out that saving innocent people's lives and punishing those that would harm others wasn't nearly as satisfying as I had expected. So I went back to pimping.


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with love from CRS @ 8:57 AM 

1 Comments:

First entry I've read in a while, and I'm glad I did! Very nicely done, sir.

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