Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .


Monday, June 09, 2008

this entry brought to you by jesus and the mary chain, "snakedriver"


Juno After roughly ten minutes of Juno, I wanted to punch the movie in the face. The dialog was absolutely driving me bonkers, with such gems as "This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet," and "Honest to blog?". I'd heard that the script, written by Oscar winning Diablo Cody, was snarky, "hip", and pretentious. SNL had a skit where "Diablo Cody" came on stage and spoke in this obnoxious faux-hipster lingo, but I assumed it was exaggeration. Listen, I've seen a lot of "quirky" indie comedies in my life, and I've heard a lot of dialog that is so hip it borders on being inhuman, and I assumed I was going to adore this one. The first ten minutes of the movie though had such forced dialog it sounded like nails on a chalk board. I actually turned to my wife with a disgusted look on my face and said "Is it going to be like this the whole movie?" Furthermore, the uber-hip-folkie soundtrack was on overdrive during the opening ten minutes, skipping from hipster folk band to hipster folk band with ferocity, to the point that I felt like I was watching an indie comedy version of a reality show on MTV. But then all that went away, and what was actors trying their best to force out bizarre, stilted dialog from another dimension, became awkward people trying to exist in an equally awkward world, in a situation that shouldn't happen but does frequently, and it all became very natural (aside from one Soupy Sails reference-- how the fuck is a 16 year old from 2007 supposed to know who Soupy Sails is? There's no way even the actress knew who Soupy Sails was when she said the line), and the soundtrack calmed down to only piping up during key moments, I was able to actually quite enjoy myself. It turns out that once Cody decided she didn't have to give us a body slam to show us how cool and with it she was, the movie is quite down-to-earth, with very likeable characters. It also turns out that director Jason Reitman has seen all of Wes Anderson's movies, and knew how to not go there-- to make a movie with a hip feeling without being a quirkfest. Out of all the movies that could be called "Anderson-like", this is the one that least relies on its quirky directing-- well, it's probably the second least of those, behind Squid and the Whale. I do think Juno is overrated. Cody didn't deserve her Oscar win, and I don't feel she should've been nominated at all. All the overwhelming critical praise seems a little undeserved. Nevertheless, I did like Juno a lot-- definitely charming.

Obama, the Democractic nominee-- finally To be honest, I don't think that the past 6 months-- god, has it only been six months?-- have been quite as ugly as everyone has been saying they were. I don't think this has ruined the democratic process for anyone, as the hyperbole would have you believe. I don't think the Democratic party is quite torn apart yet-- although if this process had gone on for a year, you bet it would have. Still, the point is, Obama's the nominee, we're finally moving forward, and McCain has his work cut out for him. Let's hear it for some Republican ass being trounced come November, shall we? Let's also cross our fingers that Obama doesn't just become a bunch of words with no action to back them up.

Album shuffle on the Ipod I'm an album guy. I've always been an album guy-- in fact, I've been planning an entry that defends the artform of the album for a while now, but I've never gotten around to it. I like the "shuffle" mode on my Ipod, but I use it sparingly. It probably gets used once every two months, and keep in mind I work all day with my Ipod on, so I easily listen to it for about 38 hours a week. The thing is, I have to be in the mood specifically to put it on shuffle. I will specifically say, okay, I want to listen to shuffle today, and I have to force myself not to mess with it, to just let it play. What ordinarily happens is I'll be playing it on shuffle, after about four songs I'll hear a song and say "Oh shit! I want to listen to that album!", or I'll be listening to a song that's not so great and something better will pop in my head, so I just want to listen to that. I'd known that the Ipod has an "album" shuffle mode since I got it, but never got around to trying it. I gave it a whirl the other day, and got albums I literally haven't heard in years. It's like having a 2,000 CD changer-- except in your pocket.

Hasbro's Mighty Muggs Dude, you've absolutely got to check these out. They are simultaneously the most awesome/adorable things you will ever see. They come in Marvel and Star Wars lines, and you absolutely cannot go past this day without seeing Hulk, Captain America, Han Solo, and, my personal favorite, Lando Calrissian. Really, you should look at all of them, but those four in particular are life-altering.

Bjork, "Wanderlust" video It's supposed to be in 3D if you have the equipment, but I don't have the equipment, so this Youtube video will do. I have no idea what the hell is going on. Bjork rides a water buffalo down a river, some blue thing grows out of her, and then a water monster appears. Yet I love the way that it looks, as if she's in some sort of extremely sophisticated claymation. Also, the song itself is gorgeous, and probably my favorite off the album.


Wanted For some reason, when doing my rundown of blockbuster movies, I neglected to mention "Wanted". So, real quick, let me do a prediction so I can have it in my rundown in August when all the summer movies are gone and I see how well I did. Angelina Jolie hasn't had a hit since Mr. And Mrs. Smith, but part of the reason that was such a hit was that America learned about Jolie and Pitt's trist while it was being filmed, and the trailers seemed to have excellent chemistry between the two of them-- I think America was curious to see if the real-life goings on would have any effect on the screen, and, delightfully, it did. But other than that, her biggest box office draw was Tomb Raider, and that was all the way back in 2001, not to mention that its sequel flopped. She's not box office poison, but this trailer looks phenomenally stupid, and unless this movie comes back with positive reviews, I don't think anyone will care. I have a feeling this one will flop, but I don't want to go that far for the record-- for the record I think it'll just be a miss.

13 Year Old Girl Lies About Age on Myspace, Sends Guy to Jail I heard about this story and became outraged. A girl named Alisha Dean had a Myspace page up that said she was a 19 year old divorced woman, and her pictures didn't show anything that said she was lying. She picked a guy who was 22 up for a date, they went out, had sex. The article doesn't specify how he found out she wasn't of age (although really, he probably found out by just talking to her and realizing if she was 19, she was a fucking moron), but, trying to be an honest guy, he went to her father to tell him what happened. Dad informed him she was actually 13, and called the cops. But, you may think, good. Good that he went to jail. He had to have known. Besides, ignorance is never an excuse in these cases. It was his fault. But it gets worse: this has happened before with this girl. There's another man, this one 24, who was sent to jail for the exact same reason, believing the girl to be 19. The dad says that the law is there because girls her age have "poor judgement", but then also admits that she's still frequently out late, and, at the time the article was written, still hadn't deleted the misleading information off her Myspace page. And if you click the link above, you'll see a picture of her, and will probably agree-- the girl in that picture does not look 13. Here's the moral of the story: her dad just doesn't give a shit what he does, and he's created a monster who has no repercussions for her acts. In fact, I would wager that she is probably being touched by her dad. What kind of healthy 13 year old would want to have sex with man 10 years older than her, send them to jail, and then go out and do it again, and what father would let that happen twice? Something is going on there, and I hope that dad ends up with charges of some kind.

Sex toys for men My wife and I have a friend that frequently throws Pure Romance parties, and if you don't know what Pure Romance is, it's a company that sells sex toys, only it's like Tupperware or Avon, you throw a party, and ladies come over and buy things from you. She and I were talking about sex toys, and the subject of male sex toys came up. She mentioned that her husband has a few, but there's something about male sex toys that repulses me. Sex toys for ladies in general don't scare me-- I think they're normal, healthy, and often pretty sexy. I'm very unthreatened by them, but I should point out that I'm not overly excited about them either. When I remember to whip them out and use 'em on Michelle I do and I enjoy it, but in general, I have a neutral-positive attitude towards them. They're nice, and when Michelle wants to use them, fantastic. But male sex toys seem weird and perverted to me, and I don't know what it is in my brain that won't get past that, but when I think of male sex toys, I think desperate. A guy has to really be desperate to get off to want a sex toy. It just seems weird, and mildly creepy. Maybe once I tried one I would be fine with it and think they're fun, but I'm also afraid of the opposite-- I'm afraid I'll try one and then next thing you know I won't be able to get off without shoving plugs in my ass and putting on an industrial strength ball clamp.

Shirly Manson and Brody Dalle on QOTSA's Lullabies to Paralyze I don't know why I didn't mention this when it came out back in 1995. In the month or two leading up to Lullabies, I'd read several interviews with Brody and Shirly, and each one mentioned how they were going to be guest appearing on the new Queens of the Stone Age album. The preview articles about that summer's upcoming hits would always mention their contributions. Then the album comes out, and they've got one song called "You've Got a Killer Scene There, Man", where they go "EeeeAaaahOoooohYeaaaaah" during the chorus. That's it. And Josh Homme, the leader of the Queens sings along with them, so you can't hear either of them seperately!

Roaches here in Chandler Every summer the roaches come out. When I walk to work at night, I literally have to watch the ground where I'm walking, or I'll step on one, or worse, step right next to one, freak it out, and then it'll run up on me, while I freak the fuck out and try to kick it off to get it off (I'm not exaggerating). Well, this year they seem to be a lot worse than they have in previous years, and they're all over the back room at our store. I fucking hate roaches.

with love from CRS @ 6:00 AM 


When we try and run up your legs it is only because we admire you so and want to be a part of you. And yet you kick us off and squash us like such common trash. Well, Mister, we are NOT common trash. We will be here for billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and bill---OH SHIT! A LIGHT JUST CAME ON! CHEESE IT, IT'S THE FUZZ!

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