CRS
Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
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Nobody likes all kinds of music: THE PSA OF FURY

Sunday, May 25, 2008

this entry brought to you by the bronx, "shitty future"


I've complained about this before, but I absolutely have to complain about it again, because it's very, very quickly becoming one of my biggest pet peeves, and it needs to be elaborated on.

Here's the thing. My people, the human race, enjoy communicating with one another. In fact, you would say that we need to communicate with one another, and if we don't, we go crazy. I know that sounds silly, but keep up with me. So, in social situations where we are put in situations where we are around other human beings for periods of time long enough for conversation, we often have go-to subjects that we like to ask one another about, to compare our interests to those of others. This process is called "bonding". Sometimes people like to "bond" over sports. Sometimes they like to "bond" over television. Sometimes, and this is where I come in, sometimes people like to "bond" over music. And when they ask you a question like "What kind of music do you listen to?" they are obviously hoping to compare it to their own interests, and, perhaps, "bond" over any similarities thereof.

Yet, in the above scenario, being asked "What kind of music do you listen to", far too often-- I'm going to say every fucking time-- the response is "Oh, I listen to everything!"

Oh really? You listen to everything! Fantastic! Which do you like more, garage, two step, or grime, and which is your favorite artist for that genre? Do you think that Sons and Daughters sold out with their newest record, which is obviously an attempt at a more mainstream sound? Who is your favorite session drummer in 1960's jazz? Which is your favorite part to Wagner's "The Ring"? It's an fifteen-hour epic, you know. My personal favorite is Die Walküre.

WHEN THE FUCK IS THIS AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO ANYTHING? What the hell scenario could possibly come up where a vague, falsely enthusiastic "Everything!" would be something that could be a satisfactory response? Yet every single person does this. You, you reading this right now, probably do this. So, as a public service, I'm going to try and describe different scenarios where this might come up, so that you can see how fucking annoying it is, and, hopefully, learn in the future not to do it. They say you learn something new every day, and here it is, the thing you're learning today. See? I'm helpful.

Let's imagine that you and I are in a social situation where it would be acceptable to "bond" with me. If I were to tell you I was going to college, you might rightfully respond with "Oh, so you're going to college? What's your major?"

"I'm majoring in a little bit of everything!" I could say.

"Oh?" would come your response. "So is that a liberal arts degree? I majored in go fuck yourself."

Now, you might be someone who is into sports, and you might ask me, "Hey, who do you think is going to make it to the play-offs this year?"

"I think everyone is going to make it to the play-offs!" is something I could respond with.

Your response would most likely be: "Why didn't you just tell me you're not interested in sports? Go fuck yourself."

"But Chris!" I hear you say. "I really do like all music! I have 500 songs on my Ipod Nano Video! That covers the entire spectrum of music!"

See, you're not listening. If I tell you that I like "everything", what the hell could you possibly follow up with? It's obvious by your introducing the question that you're attempting to "bond" with me. But by saying "everything!" there's no real substance for you to bond with. The only thing you can respond with is another question, such as, "Yeah, but what specifically do you like to listen to the most," to which I will probably respond with "No, I really do like everything!", and you would have to go back and forth until either you gave up from lack of interest, or you pulled my fucking teeth and finally got a real response. You know what would be more satisfying? If I crunched up in a ball and said "STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! SOMEONE'S TALKING TO ME!" Because then you would think, oh, this person's retarded. Then you could walk away at least having learned something concrete.

If I wore a t-shirt that said "I'm into a little bit of everything!" would you come up to me and say "You're into everything? Holy shit! I'm into a little bit of everything too! Ain't that something? Small world! I was into everything way before everyone else was, back in '92, when a little bit of everything first started! Let me buy you a beer!" Do you think that's how you would react?

Now, before you answer, let me answer for you: No you would not. The reason they print t-shirts with images on them at all is so that other people identify with the specific image printed, otherwise every t-shirt made would be solid gray. In fact, if you saw somebody with a t-shirt that said "I'm into a little bit of everything!" you would assume that person was gay. You would say, "Hey, what's up with the queer in the gay t-shirt? There oughtta be a law!!"

So listen. Yeah. It might be just a little thing, and I might be the only person in the world so pissed off at this. But let me just say this: Why the hell do you need to say "everything"? What the fuck makes you so fucking special, you're the one privileged person in the whole fucking world who has had the opportunity to and has listened to everything, or a little bit of everything, because you're so fucking open-minded and so willing to expose yourself to new things? I might be the only person who is annoyed by this, but in what way does this facilitate conversation? Couldn't you just skip to the chase, tell what music you actually actively listen to? And also, go fuck yourself.
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Did that end a little too harshly for you? Good! Now maybe you'll stop answering "a little bit of everything" when I'm trying to make friendly conversation! Go fuck yourself!
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on this day last year have you ever heard a comedian making fun of bottled water? is this seriously that crazy of an idea?
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with love from CRS @ 9:09 AM 

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