Chandler, Arizona, United States

There's an old saying. If you don't want someone to join a crowd, you ask them, "If everyone were jumping off of a cliff, would you?" Well, I have. So my answer would be "Yes". True story.
Profile continued . . .

Double Ply Toilet Paper Should be the Minimum Requirement for All Workplace Bathrooms

Thursday, May 22, 2008

this entry brought to you by radiohead, "bangers and mash"

That toilet paper they use at every workplace is like, one ply, and I hate it, because I never feel like I've wiped enough. I wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe until there's nothing there, then I wipe one more time. Yet I still find myself going back in the bathroom 10 minutes later because I feel like I didn't wipe enough.

When I worked in an office where everyone inhabited cubicles, I was just tall enough that as I walked by my ass was pretty much at the level of every single one of my coworker's heads. I used to feel super self conscious, because if I'd just gone to take a shit and was coming back to my own cubicle, I was afraid I hadn't wiped enough, and would be afraid that whoever I passed by would smell my ass as it wafted by.

There was one particular girl named Tajana who, for a time, sat directly behind me, and I couldn't get to my desk without walking past her. I walked up to our side of the office after having taken a dump, and I just had this feeling that my ass wasn't as fresh as it could be. I approached her desk to walk by and she smiled up at me. She was an extremely attractive girl with a fantastic body, and always wore these low-cut dresses that always gave very, very generous exposure to her cleavage, and I looked down at her smile, happy to see me and those boobs... I stopped, turned around, and quickly went back to the bathroom to wipe more. I just couldn't stand a girl smiling at me with her bosom overflowing and then getting a whiff of ass, even though I'd wiped before until the paper was clean.

ps. yes honey, you have fantastic, overflowing boobs as well, and no, i don't want you to get a whiff of ass either, but we share the same bathroom so sometimes this is impossible.
on this day last year you don't want people talking to you on the bus, do you? well then follow these rules!

with love from CRS @ 3:32 AM 


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